If you have ever wondered what has caused you or your partner to be angry while still being part of a romantic relationship, here is a puzzle breaker.
Being in a relationship means going through a lot of emotions, sometimes, all at the same time. Although these emotions are mostly joyful and fill your life with happiness and contentment, sometimes, things can turn ugly.
Though anger can have a positive role to play in a relationship, mostly it is perceived as a toxic reaction to a relational problem, annoyance or unsatisfying dynamic. It is true that in romantic relationships when people feel rejected, betrayed or hurt in any way, they often react with anger. (Buss, 1989).
In a recent research it was found that who you are is as much responsible for your anger as the event which sparked the reaction. In their research, Nisenbaum and Lopwz (2015) studied how individuals’ attachment styles are linked to their own anger and their partners’ anger.
As a child, social interactions become your source of learning patterns of expectations and beliefs about relational trust and security. People who have a secure attachment styles learn to easily trust others, have a secure sense of their own self-worth and feel safer in relationships.
However, other people who do not receive a secure attachment style are categorized as insecure in their relationships. They can experience anxiety in close relationships, doubting their own self-worth and fearing abandonment. Their approach to relationships might also be avoidant, which is a response to deep mistrust of others and evolved preference for independence.
The way you or your partner reacts with anger might reveal your attachment style. Nisenbaum and Lopez (2015) showed that:
In conclusion, this means that anger is a complex emotional response and in case of a romatic relationship, it is not based only on a partner’s behaviour.
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