The Secret to Surviving Divorce

Updated at: Jan 13, 2014
The Secret to Surviving Divorce

Relationship Help- Self-compassion, forgiveness, avoiding legal battles are some ways in which you can get your life back after enduring a divorce.

Vatsal Anand
DatingWritten by: Vatsal AnandPublished at: Oct 31, 2011

Divorce is one of the life’s most traumatic incidents. It leaves you in a situation you had never bargained for and shatters the hopes of a happy life. But, there are some people who manage their lives better after a divorce while some stick to victimisation and keep feeding their hostility for several years. While it may not be possible to not endure pain at all after a divorce, unless you lack emotion and caused the divorce, you can deal with its pain much better. What is the secret that makes some people deal with their separation better?


[Read: Coping with Post-Divorce Trauma]


What makes some people manage life well after divorce?




In a study on life after divorce undertaken by University of Arizona in USA, self-compassion was defined as the ability of and individual to be kind to oneself, recognise common humanity and being patient while painful emotions ease out. 105 people aged more than 40 and having been in a marriage for more than 13 years were studied and it was found that people that have self-compassion get over their grief more easily. They are able to move on with their lives and thoughts about their partner do not disturb them so much.

Although the research is not clear on whether you can learn self-compassion or not, it is safe to say that it is a state of mind which can be acquired. One just needs to reframe thoughts by emphasising on a positive outlook.


Avoid Legal Battles


It is best to settle everything out of court rather than going through the legal hassles. Not only does this make the separation costly, but also make it more emotionally taxing. The arguments in a court of law would make you go over the past which is the exact opposite of what you need to do.




It is not the easiest thing to let all bitterness pass and forgive your partner if you feel wrong done by. Just think how much easier it will make your life if you do forgive. Mulling over the past and nursing a grudge against your partner would only make your present hellish. Try being in your partner’s shoes and contemplate on what it might be for him or her.


Remember the Happy Times


If you must go over your past relationship, why contemplate on what went wrong? Instead try to remember how great it was when everything was going all right. Reliving the harrowing times of your last relationship would only cut you to pieces with jealousy, sadness, anger, resentment, guilt and the rest of it. Recalling the happy times would at least rekindle hopes of getting it all back with someone else. Do not pull yourself down by assuming that those days cannot be back. There might be someone else for you still!


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