May 26, 2016
A lot of couple who are unable to conceive opt for adopting children. It is a perfectly viable option that requires a few legal guidelines and regulations. Adoptive parents need to be especially careful about their children because relationships matter. Relationships form the basis of human psychology and for a child to know that his or her parents are in fact adoptive parents can be hurtful. Having said this, the adoptive parents can be given full credit if they have brought up their adoptive child with love and care. However, one cannot be too sure of what impact the news of adoption might have on the adoptive child; therefore, here are a few tips for you to understand what not to say to your adopted child.
You can alienate your child if you constantly remind him or her that he or she looks different from the rest of the family. This is of course one of the very obvious things to avoid saying to your adopted child. Your child can be very sensitive to this, and there is a high chance of feeling out-of-place. Mentioning the difference in looks can be a disaster which needs to be avoided.
It is true that you have adopted this child, however, do not ask them to be so grateful all the time for the same! Saying that he or she is lucky is simply a way of saying that your adopted child would have been a nobody if you had not done him or her, this “favour.” This, as you can imagine can be very bad to his or her image leading to existential and identity crisis.
Most adoptive parents are of the opinion that they are doing a great job by keeping it a secret, and this is a terrible misconception. The best course of action is to let your child know about his or her reality as soon as possible. This way, your adoptive child will not remain in this bubble for the better part of his or her life until knowing the truth. Ensure that your adoptive child knows how much you care and love him or her, and reinforce the parent-child relationship.
Do not call them “poor child,” all the time, because he or she isn’t one. Your job is to create a healthy environment and strengthening his or her mentality. By sympathising you are simply making your adoptive child vulnerable and weak. Let them have a normal life and avoid unnecessary sympathy. We find love and joy with so many people throughout our lives, most of who are not related to us by blood, from spouses to in-laws to friends. So, just let it be!
Be a good normal parent and stop giving them special treatment, as you only remind them of who they are. Don’t let your adopted child skip out on chores or otherwise give them other kinds of special treatment just because they are adopted (unless, of course, they have a disability that needs to be accommodated).
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