Apr 09, 2014
Empathy is a gift. A person who has the gift of empathy is a person who is kind. In the eyes of the world such a person is a gem, because he or she knows your deepest feelings and in the times of thunder will leave no stone unturned to back you up.
Now imagine a partner who lacks empathy, a boyfriend or girlfriend or a spouse who not only looks the other way when you ask for help, but also laughs secretly. No amount of grief will move this person, even if you are burning in the fire of disdain. Are you really unworthy of any love and care? Are you not a complete human being for your partner to empathise with you? The good news is that the answer to these questions do not lie with your partner, it lies within you. Look inwards and you will see that your troubles are real, but on the outside it has no value. The problem is he or she who is looking from the outside, your partner has not the slightest idea about who or what you are inside, your partner does not really deserve you. But if you love this person dearly, then we will tell you some ways in which you could deal with a partner who is cold and has no empathy. Remember, lack of empathy is considered to be one of the most telling signs of narcissism.
A witness is a person who looks at an ongoing event and tries to understand the depth of it; he or she is not a judge. There is no room for judgment here. Listening is a virtue that is lacking in people in general and your partner will do you a great favour by listening to you instead of being a judge. For your partner to know the truth is important, and it is not at all important for him or her to jump onto conclusions and sentence you to death. Start by asking your partner to listen, and to keep quiet until you have said what you wanted to.
One good way is to give your partner examples about how you empathise with him or her. Tell your partner that when in need you are there to take care of him or her and almost always make sure that you are sharing all your partner’s troubles. Then ask your partner why do you deserve such a indifferent treatment when it comes to you. The idea is to put in some sense in your partner by comparing your behaviour with his or hers.
Ask you partner about why it is difficult for him or her to empathise? There has to be something which makes your partner behave the way he or she is doing right now. Ask you partner to share his or her experiences with you and to tell you how and in what way is it so difficult to empathise? Then you will find the real reason behind such behaviour. If he or she tells you that it the belief that what you are going through is not very important then you sure does know that you are with the wrong person.
After spoken words should be action, yes actions speak louder than words because actions hurt and actions make you feel. Therefore, you could start behaving just how your partner does. Make your partner feel how you feel, though it may pain you to see you loved one in pain, but this is only temporary, until he or she realises that the behaviour they are adhering to is not exactly right. Then if your partner ever points out to you regarding your behaviour, you should point out on his or her behaviour. Give the person a dose of his own medicine and he will realise for sure.
Empathy at some level is a psychological matter, and it is important for everyone to understand that sharing is an extremely important thing to do when two persons become a couple. After all people have feelings.
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